A Story In One Shots
by rivereq
Summary: Rose and Dimitri find themselves in a love affair. Will they get their happy ending or will it be a long and lonely forever? Just a short story written in One Shots.
1. Chapter 1

Richelle Mead owns these characters.

**A Story In One-Shots**.

**Chapter 1:** Trapped In My Mind.

I cant keep doing this to myself. I cant keep hurting like this. He has me close to him, but i know its not where he wants to keep me. He's taken. Unavailable, yet im right here, laying next to him hoping to take things further. I shouldnt want that, i shouldnt hope for anything other than winning the lottery or getting a raise, being blessed with a case of the chicken pocks. Simple things that i actually have a chance at...not him. I have no chance at that, with him. It will never be. So i should take what i can get and be happy hes here now.

It would be so much simpler to just let him go. Tell him i cant do this anymore, that i deserve better, to be loved the right way. I wont though, im in too deep. He has me wrapped around his finger and knows it. What the hell did i get myself into? How am i gonna get out? This isnt right, he has someone he loves and doesnt want to let go. He also has me. Sure he says he loves me, he needs me and cant be without me. Its usually when were naked and hes hovering over me. Supposedly we're making "love".

Liss was right, i shouldve walked away before anything happen. Before i got so swept up in his words and promises. I should walk away now, before he wakes up and makes his way back to her. Leaves me here and i cry for the millionth time. I dont even move though, i cant let my grip on him fall or i will definitely lose him. Shit. I need to get the hell out now before i get stuck further. Im stronger than this. Im better than this, i know better. Im fricken Rose Hathaway, badass guardian to the Dragomir Princess. I have a reputation as a heartbreaker, yet im the one with the heartbreak. I let this happen, i let him make a fool out of me. Why? Because i love him.

Love. Ha, whats that have to do with this? With us... oh wait, there is no us. Theres them and then theres me. He's tied to his charge and in more ways than one. Tasha Ozera. I envy her, not because who she is or what she does. Its because who she has. Him, my Comrade, Dimitri Belikov. Her guardian, friend, lover and fiancee. You sure know how to pick them, Rose.

Dimitri left before graduation, we had one last wonderfully, blissful night together in an abandoned cabin. Ive held on ever since. I couldnt let my love for him fade, that was impossible. After some time of phone calls and letters, he changed. He promised me he wouldnt fall in love with anyone, that we would wait for eachother. The last letter i got from him was a year ago. It said things like: _I didnt mean for this to happen. I didnt want to hurt you at all. It was a mistake i made and i will forever regret it. _I accepted his apology, i knew he was hating himself for what happend between them. He was lonely, i was lonely. I came pretty close to hurting him that way myself. Although he couldnt walk away like i did.

That same letter also said things like: _I cant just abandon her, its my responsibility aswell. I cant walk away from something like this. Ive always wanted children, ive wanted them with you, but it would never happen. Now i have to do the right thing and stay._ The right thing, he always does the right thing. Its why i love him, why i cant leave his warm grip over my waste at this very moment. But were not exactly doing the right thing are we? He's a father now, someones fiancee. Whats he doing in bed with me? I have to leave, to make a clean break. He says he doesnt love her like he loves me, but he does _love_ her. Maybe thats why he wont leave. He says they dont even talk to eachother some days, they sleep in different beds. Why is she here planning their wedding with Lissa then? It confuses me so much, i get lost in the wonder. Then he touches me or says something and i melt. Im his, but he will never be mine. He's tied to her forever, as her guardian, her fiancee and even if those things change -which is highly unlikely- hes the father of their son.

That beautiful baby boy who just celebrated his birthday a week ago. He looks exactly like Dimitri, same eyes and colored hair, same smile and im sure he'll be tall for his age. Then he looks exactly like her sometimes and it hurts to look at him. He has her nose and laugh, her personality. Although traits of Dimitri's aswell. Sometimes i cant breathe when their around. Living with Lissa and fireboy seemed like a good idea, until Tasha and Dimitri came back to court to plan their wedding, Lissa's big council debut and to spend Anton's birthday with Christian.

I have to leave. Get up Rose, get out now! My body doesnt move, its content in his arms and warmth. This has been going on since they got here, three months ago. The first time it was just a kiss and then the next a full on make-out session. I felt conflicted between stopping it and letting it go on, guess which option won... We have been meeting like this for the last few weeks, me telling Lissa i was training or meeting up with Eddie. Dimitri telling Tasha i dont what, but he showed up here, in an empty guardian room that Eddie gave me the key to. He and Lissa knew i wasnt very comfortable with Tasha and Dimitri staying with us in the house, so she asked Eddie to find me a room in case it got overwhelming. It did, but i couldnt get away for some reason.

Its usually me getting there first and then texting Dimitri that i was waiting. When ten minutes flew by he would reply for me to open the door. Two seconds later we were kissing, touching and ripping eachothers clothes off. Then after we did the deed, we would talk until i fell asleep and would wake up to a letter or a rose, telling me he loves me and the next time we could be "together". This time it didnt feel right, it never did, but this time it finally hit me. Nothing was gonna change. When they leave, ill be alone again, waiting on him and he would be with his family. His wife and son. Wowzer Rose, you really screwed the pooch on this one. I had to get up and leave. I _had_ to. So thats what im doing. As quietly as ever, i released my arms from around his body and got up. Getting dressed, i kept sneaking glances at him. He cant wake up or im done, im right back to where i dont want to be. It doesnt seem like a bad idea though, a big part of me wants him to wake up, wants him to stop me. No Rose. _Go._

After im dressed, i find a pencil and paper. Here it goes, here comes the pain. This is what its supposed to be like i guess, i was meant to be alone, empty, without the man i loved. Yup Rose, your a stupid stupid girl.

_Dimitri,  
This is the most hardest thing ive ever had to do. I dont want to do it, but its the only way i wont hurt anymore. Ill get through it, im strong remember? As for you, well your not mine anymore. Maybe you never were, maybe we were supposed to have our moment and that was it. Whatever we have or had, i want you to know. It meant soo much to me._

_Im glad i chose you, sad that i have to let you go, but glad that i had your love at least once. It will always be you, i will always love you because there are no others. Your free now, you dont have to keep me at a distance anymore, keep your family together. It might not make you happy, but it will keep your son and future wife with you. Thats what matters, them not us. There is no us. Theres only me and theres your family.  
_

_I wont make you choose, you wont have to hurt no one. I'd hurt if we continued this anyway and i can handle that. Im strong, you said so yourself._

_I love you, Comrade. Always. Goodbye.  
Roza._

**So this is pretty random and im not sure about it,but i thought id post it and see what you guys think. Let me know or not, whatever... Anyway thanks for reading at least. **

**Song: 'Trapped in my mind' Kid Cudi**


	2. Chapter 2

Richelle Mead owns these characters.

**A Story in One-Shots.**

**Chapter 2: **I Want None of This.

It runs through my mind constantly. All the words on that paper were from her heart. She meant them in the best way, but i can truely say; ive lost her. She doesnt see how much i love her, how much she means to me. I thought by doing this she'd figure it out and decide to stay with me. I was risking it, being with her this way, but there was no other. I couldnt betray Tasha after giving her my word of not leaving her alone with Anton. Anton. My beautiful son, my сердце. It was divided between him and my Roza. Now that i read this letter, as many times as ive read it, it doesnt look like shes my Roza anymore. Ive hurt her in the past. I left when she needed me most, before trials and her getting her promise mark. Moments that were made for a mentor to share with their student. She was soo much more than my student though. She was my soul. It belonged to her, as hers belonged to me. Well, not anymore i guess...

I hadnt even meant to get into that situation with Tasha. It was a big mistake on my part. I was lonely though, its a sad excuse, but the woman i love was far away from me. I promised her id wait, that i wouldnt love anyone else and i dont. Although time and distance took its toll and it lead me on. Tasha was drunk one evening, celebrating her martial arts class graduating. She was drunk and Roza was on my mind. She kissed me out of nowhere and the moment i pulled away, i quickly pulled back in, kissing Tasha like no tomorrow. It was a moment of weakness that ill never come back from. I knew it was wrong, i knew it wasnt the woman i wanted to do those things with, but i still did them. The letters and long phone calls from Roza were supposed to keep me at bay of not being with her. They only made me ache for her even more. Needing the companionship, ive ruined everything. I wrote a letter like this once myself. It hurt to write the things that were in that letter, but not as much as the things on this one. Tasha got pregnant from the one and only time we slept together. I had to be honest with Rose, tell her the truth. I wrote the letter and called the next day.

Ive never felt so guilty in my life. Ive never felt so happy either. It was a bitter sweet moment, finding out i was having a child. Roza forgave me after i explained what happend and lots of angry screaming, but i knew she would never forget. How could she, there was always a reminder of that regretful night now. In human form. The moment i told Rose about Tasha and my engagement, that moment destroyed us aswell. I just kept hurting her and hurting her, its a never ending cycle. And now she was the one hurting me, by taking her love away. It wasnt a real relationship, it wasnt what i wanted us to be. It was something though, something the both of us needed. I couldnt leave Tasha, we both knew and as selfish as it was to ask of this, i did it anyway. I wanted her. I needed her with me. I didnt exactly have a plan, but i knew it would make itself known, work itself out. Roza gave me the guilt trip the first time. It threatend to stop us, but it didnt. We were both guilty, both knowing we were hurting ourselves and others with our actions. I just couldnt let go though and neither could Rose.

Now im here, in this dark room, reading the last words ill ever get from the love of my life. Because im engaged to my friend, a father to a son who isnt Rose's. Because im selfish and couldnt keep it in my pants. I only asked Tasha to marry me out of the promise to not leave her. I had to protect them, my son and Tasha. Its the right thing to do, give my son a family, a mother and a father together. Why did it feel so wrong? Why couldnt i be happy about my engagement? _Because its not with Rose, because its a mistake_. A mistake.

I seem to be making so many of those lately. I cant get a break. Hurt Tasha or hurt Rose, betray my friend or leave my love. Confused and lost, i make my way out of the guardian dorms. Ill never touch her again, ill never kiss her or look at her with all the love i can. _Its your fault. You did this, you messed up_. I deserved this pain, this emptiness. Roza, she deserves to be happy, to be loved. And she just wanted to be by me. How did things get so complicated? _You left, thats how._

I had to find her and talk with her. Let her know im sorry for ruining our plans and hurting her. For putting her in this position. Will she forgive me this time? I need to talk to Tasha aswell, tell the truth about whats been going on. I cant do that, she will be so hurt. She'd be angry with me, possibly take Anton away. No. I cant think like that, shit, Dimitri what have you gotten into? Im not like this, this isnt me. Im not this guy who hurts the people he loves, but then again, i am. Standing in the middle of the court grounds, looking everywhere except to myself. Im lost. I have no solution to this problem. I could hurt so many people this way, ive already hurt Rose, i wont do that again.

'What the hell do i do?'

**Im not too happy with this one,but i tried. Its kind of short also. Let me know what you think, or not... Thanks for the reviews and alerts, muchos gracias buddies! I wasnt expecting that ;) Anyway... thanks for reading. Oh and that russian word means heart.**

**Song: 'I Want None of This' Radiohead**


	3. Chapter 3

Richelle Mead owns these characters.

**A Story in One-Shots.**

**Chapter 3: **Spiders.

Either he thinks im blind and stupid or he really thinks he has me fooled. Dimka, Dimka, Dimka. Ive known you your whole teenage life, i can see through your facade. Its obvious who he loves. He comes back smelling like Rose's perfume. Yesterday when we had dinner at Lissa's, i could smell him on her. Im not mad or angry or pissed, im more...confused. This whole situation was so off track, i didnt know what to think or feel or say. I knew he loved her, it was obvious. I also knew she loved him, ive known since that christmas at the academy. The way she looked at him, the way he talked about her, the way they acted around eachother. Although i had to be sure, had to be stubborn. Its the Ozera way i guess, being so observant with everyone around us.

My stubbornness and loneliness got in the way. When i asked him the first time, offered him a family and a job, he had denied me. I knew it was for her, he said he wanted to be loyal to Lissa. I believed him, it was the truth, it just wasnt the whole truth. He wanted to be loyal, but to Rose aswell. I could see the emotions he tried to hide around her. When the guardians would ask him about training the "troublemaker Hathaway", Dimka would become defensive and i could see he genuinely cared for her. I didnt listen to my gut though, i more or less ignored the shit out of it. I was being stubborn, selfish and yes even lying to myself to think i could have him. Why or what changed his mind always suprised me. It was finaly my chance. They couldnt be together, they were risking Lissa's safety. So he had tried to find another charge. No one would let him move, they would rather had Rose reassigned then Dimka. He wouldnt stand for it though, so he called me and asked if my offer still stood. Only it would be strictly professional, nothing else but him my guardian and me his charge.

I was lonely though and i could see he was aswell. They wrote letters, talked on the phone late at night. I could hear happiness in his voice and i grew jealous. I wanted what i couldnt have. So i tried to forget him, let them struggle to be together while i moved on with my life. I went on dates, even had a boyfriend or two. When he would get the longing look on his face, that look of want, i knew it wasnt for me. And it drove me crazy. My plan to make him jealous wasnt working. He loved her. I knew what i was doing the whole time, i just tried to make myself think i wasnt doing it. I wasnt moving on with anything, i was just triying to make him jealous. Make him see me, through the blur named Rosemarie.

Then that night happend. I was fed up, frustrated and hurt. I shouldnt have been, i shouldve been happy for him. He found someone who made him happy, he was waiting for her. He promised his love to her and i took advantage of his loneliness. I was drunk and angry and whatever else i was feeling that night. Earlier in the day they talked on the phone, they had an argument about not seing eachother. He was trying to calm her down, i lightly heard her on the phone. She was in tears almost as was he, they missed eachother. _'Roza, you know were doing what we can. Tasha doesnt have all the time to go down to court, you know what its like for her.'_ He soothed her, barely containing himself. _'I miss you too, Roza. I miss you so so much' _I drank way too much that night and he was just trying to take care of me.

I missunderstood it for want. I took advantage. Life wasnt fair, _it_ wasnt fair. Now we have Anton. Dimka loves him soo much, he melts at the sight of him. Like he does with her. He stayed with me, afterall i made him feel guilty about it. I made him feel like he had to stay with me. I told him for Anton's sake, i used Christian's situation to lour him in and it worked. Growing up without a father, a good father, he wouldnt stand for it. He proposed before Anton was born, he was miserable. We never touched like people in love should, we didnt even sleep in the same room. We did at first, but i could see he grew uncomfortable and it was awkward. For both of us. Then we came to court. Christian wanted to meet his nephew and spend his first birthday with him. Also Lissa was finally able to take her rightful place on the Moroi council. I wouldnt miss it for anything. I knew she would be there, they would see eachother, _finally_. Only it was too late for anything to happen between them. I felt guilty as soon as i saw her. Rose was polite and nice, she didnt look like she wanted to rip my head off...yet.

Then they started distancing themselves and i knew why. I knew right away. A guardian friend of mine followed them for me. He told me where they met up, how long they were there and what they did. Honestly, i was mad at first, but then i would sit and think about it. Karma. I did it first, i deserved the guilt. They would feel it too. Rose would glance at me and i could see she didnt feel right about it. Dimka would often give me a look of pity and then it would wash away as quickly as it came. When i would catch Rose staring at me as i was holding or feeding Anton, i could see the guilt pouring out of her. Anton took a liking to Rose and a few times even made her seem as though she forgot all the problems there were. Now this, her letter. I found it in his coat pocket as he was feeding Anton this morning. Its why hes been so mopey, why he only seems to look somewhat alive when hes with Anton.

I grabbed the letter, ran for the bathroom and now im sitting here. Reading something so painful, i dont know how she does it. How she finds the strength to move on, shes so young. If i could be like her, strength wise, i would be okay. Ive read it three times. Everytime it makes me feel more guilty than the before. I didnt love him, not like she did. She was willing to walk away and let him move on, eventhough we all knew, he would never be able to. I was just lonely, miserable and i trapped him. I didnt want to do that, but thats what things lead to. How could i be so selfish and conniving? This is not the person i want my son to know. This isnt what i want to be. What came over me? Lust. I didnt love Dimka. I lusted for him. I was honestly happy in my last relationship, only letting him go because i was confused. I was selfish trapping Dimka, my _friend_. Which is all he would ever be. A marriage where there was no love wouldnt work.

I knew what i had to do. What has to be done. I have to let him go... He wasnt mine to begin with. He was hers, as he would always be. 'Tasha are you okay in there? Youve been in there for a long time...' I folded the letter and put it in my pocket. Quietly standing up and walking slowly to the door. This is it i guess, do the right thing. Opening the door, he looked like a mess. I took Anton from his arms and placed him on a blanket on the floor and turned to face his father.

'Dimka, we need to talk. Your not gonna like what i have to say, but it has to be said. I have to make things right...for everyone' He just stared with those hollow and empty eyes, nodding his head for me to continue. 'I dont love you...'

**So its Tasha's POV, im not to sure about this but i tried. Thanks for the reviews and alerts, they mean alot ;). I did mention this was a SHORT story,so theres only one chapter left after this. Which will be up after Thanksgiving, im goin out of town so. Hopefully you enjoy this,or not let me know. By the way, you should read "Who Are You,Really?" by Nicia and "His Reedeemable Soul" by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx those are really great stories... just throwing that out there!**

**Song: 'Spiders' The Editors**


	4. Chapter 4

Richelle Mead owns these characters.

**A Story in One-Shots**

**Chapter 4: **Here I Am.

**DPOV.  
**Somehow, i dont think she believed me. I dont think shes sees that im nothing without her, i might aswell fade away. Ive told her about Tasha ending our engagement exactly a month ago. A month, it took that long to wrap my head around things, really look at my life. I had a son, who was growing strong each day. I had Rose, well not exactly, but she never faded far from my thoughts. Tasha and i talked about everything, about how she was wrong to take advantage of her friend. To meddle with my life, for her own benefit. Im also to blame for giving into temptation, but i would spend the rest of my life making it up to Roza, if she would have me.

We talked about our arrangements with Anton and how i reassigned and am now a court guardian, so things would be easier with Anton. We talked about how upset i was that i let her get in the way of my love for Roza and she told me to keep fighting for her, never give up. I dont plan to, i dont deserve a second chance, but i still hold on to the hope of one. It was my first week with just me and Anton. Tasha moved closer to court so we didnt have to much trouble taking Anton back and forth.

We were walking to the cafe and i spotted Roza walking in with Eddie, they must be on break. Or Roza got kicked out of the meeting again. I clutched Anton tighter to my chest and walked a little quicker in to the cafe. As Rose and Eddie sat down i orderd a hot chocolate. I slowly approached their table and Eddie gave me a nod. Roza avoided my gaze and sipped her drink. 'Hey guardian Belikov, you want to sit with us?' Eddie asked, Rose just gave him a tight glare and sighed. I nodded and sat down, Anton began making a mess with the chocolate donut i got for him.

**RPOV.  
**Seeing Dimitri in father mode was always great. Whenever he talked about his son i could see the pride in his eyes. It always made me smile. So now, watching him and Anton in their kodak moment, i was fighting back the smile. Tasha called off their engagement and even called me personally to apologize for everything that went on. I couldnt exactly just forgive her, but then again, i did sleep with Dimitri while they were engaged. So i asked for time, time to get my life back on track and figure everything out. And now im here, sitting in this cafe, drinking hot chocolate and talking to Dimitri. Eddie left as soon as he caught the tension between me and Dimitri. Then shortly after, the awkward quiet was gone when Dimitri opened his mouth and out came the words i was trying to avoid. 'Roza, i know what i did was wrong and i dont blame you for being mad at me. If you could hear me out and let me explain...' And so he did, he explained everything. What happend, how, why, everything.

He asked for another chance, i knew he wouldnt stop there. He made promise after promise and swore he would never hurt me or put me in that position again. I honestly didnt know what to think, i was angry at Tasha for putting herself between us, angry that we couldnt be together in the first place. I think i was also angry that i gave in to him so easily, without thinking about the consequences. It was that easy. I knew it wouldnt end good, but i selfishly took what i could get from Dimitri and it wasnt fair. I didnt want part of him anymore, i wanted all of him.

Everything he came with, Anton, Tasha always being in his life. I wanted it all, but was i sure? He was waiting for my reply, looking at me with anticipation and pleading with his eyes. I could see it was killing him to be so vulnerable, be so open. 'Dimitri...' He knew my answer already, i forget he can read me like i can read him. He shook his head and picked up Anton from the chair next him. 'Its okay Roza, i understand, its fine.' I opened my mouth to say something, only i didnt know what to say. I had the words in my head, they were on the tip of my tongue, but something else in the back of my mind got there first. 'Dimitri its just... i dont-' 'Its fine.' Then he walked out of the cafe.

**DPOV**.  
She has every right to be angry with me, avoid me as she has been doing. I left my heart on that table and she didnt even look twice at it. I hated being so vulnerable, letting my guard down in front of her. I did it though, as i promised myself i would do when Rose gave me the chance to. When she didnt say anything for sometime, i already knew her answer. She just said my name, just my name and i knew it was over. I couldnt get the control back i so easily trained myself to do, specially in front of Anton. So i collected our things and held Anton walking out of the cafe, out of the life of my beloved Roza. When she tried to explain, i couldnt let her see the sadness in my eyes, the hurt i could barley contain. So i left. What the hell was i doing thinking she could forgive me so easily. Thinking we could go back to the way things used to be, the way they should have been.

So i simply took Anton home to our room and got him ready for a bath. While i was waiting for the water, i kept Roza's image in my mind. Her eyes looking at me and Anton with amusement. She always complemented my "father skills" and even said they were better than my ninja ones. She would get that smile i loved whenever Anton would be near her. He took a liking to her immedietly, much like his father. Its like he knew where my happiness truely lies.

As i picked up Anton to put him in the tub, there was a knock on the door. 'Who could that be мой сын...'

**RPOV.**  
This was crazy, what am i doing? How are we gonna come back from that? Whats gonna happen to us now? Us... Is there still a chance at that? I dont know. I dont know anything right now. I dont even know why im knocking on his door. _Because i love him_. That was it, i loved him. Its that simple. I cant avoid him, even if i tried. All the heartbreak, distance and adultery, i was still here.

He opened the door with a suprised expression and Anton in only a diaper. 'Rose, whats wrong?' I opened my mouth but once again, nothing. 'Rose, you dont have-' 'You promised me! You promised and you broke it...' He just looked at me and the sadness hit his eyes so quick, i almost lost my momentum. 'You let someone get in the way of us! You let them rip us apart. I waited and waited, but you went on...' I dont even know how this happend. I wasnt expecting to let everything out, i wasnt expecting to lash out at him. I was just gonna ask if i could explain things, work it out. But my hurt, pain and confusion just spilled out of me. So i went with it, i didnt even know i was crying until i had to blink from the blurriness of my tears.

'Rose, im sorry... im so so sorry.' I shook my head and his eyes got even sadder, if it was possible. 'How do i know it wont happen again? How do we know it will work this time? So much got in the way, i have to know it will be better this time!' He looked at me with all the love he could compose. Holding Anton tighter to his chest and looking at me with assurance.

**DPOV.**  
I couldnt find the words to promise her that i wouldnt let anything get in the way of us. Not anymore! So i did the only thing i could do, i looked into her eyes and made a promise the only way i knew she would be sure of. We were always able to have whole conversations with just looking at eachother. We didnt have to say one word, all there had to be was a look. A search in our eyes and we were both on the same page.

So i gave her the message, loud and clear without saying a word. She stood there, searching my eyes for the truth, for the meaning behind the words. She stared for a long almost lingering minute and when she found it, i knew she saw what she needed to see. Love. My love would never fade for her, as hers for me. When i saw she understood, i knew that meant she was giving me another shot. Giving _us_ another shot. So i did the best thing to do in this situation, i smiled and invited her in. 'Would you like to help me give Anton a bath, i could use the extra help?' She smiled and quietly stepped into the doorway. As we walked to the bathroom, i had to voice my thoughts and feelings. To keep her certain, she and my son was what counted. 'This time will be better for us, Roza' She looked to me and then to Anton, grabbing his small hand in hers. 'Im gonna hold you to that, Comrade'

**There it is buddies, the last chapter of this story in one-shots. I dont really know where this came from, it was pretty random and spur the moment. Im kind of not to happy with it, but i tried my best. Thanks for reading, the alerts and reviews. They mean soo much! Let me know if it was as crappy as i think it is or not... And as always thanks for reading at least. ) The russian part means _my son_.**

**Song: 'Here I Am' Nicki Minaj**


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